


Please, don't hate me

by seventhsenses



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, Idols, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Lee Minho | Lee Know, Mentioned Yang Jeongin | I.N, Misunderstandings, POV Hwang Hyunjin, Secret Crush, the rest of the members also appear but don't talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28407045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seventhsenses/pseuds/seventhsenses
Summary: Falling in love with Felix is inevitable for Hyunjin; however, he already seems to have feelings for other member.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 7
Kudos: 77





	Please, don't hate me

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching the skz online fanmeet at Shopee and when they played ‘never have I ever’ something called my attention. Chan started laughing after Felix explained his answer and then both began to laugh while doing gestures that only them seemed to understand. The rest of the members were paying attention to the host who was talking in that moment but Hyunjin looked more interested in what chanlix were doing, so I decided to write a fic where the reason behind Hyunjin’s interest has an explanation.
> 
> This is not my first fic, but it is the first I’m going to publish. Feel free to leave comments of any type, it would be very much appreciated :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Hyunjin is just waiting for Chan and Felix to make official their relationship. Not that there is anything to announce given the fact that they are so fucking obvious. He is not jealous, of course he is not. It is just that seeing them together gets on his nerves for some reason.

The reason might lay in the fact that he seems to be incapable of not paying attention to the younger, and that is driving him mad, his brain has lost all the common sense and decided that being focused on everything related to the blonde is the only function he will be undertaking from now on.

The worst part is that he is not disgusted at all; observing Felix brings him inner peace and happiness. His heart beats faster when the boy stares back, a big smile instantly appearing on his bright face. Or when he lets his arms surround his soft figure from behind, because if Hyunjin had the guts to hug the boy while looking at him in the eyes then he would be incapable of hiding his feelings, so he has let Felix believe that he hates being hugged. But without any doubt, being able to hold his tiny hands is on the top three of things Hyunjin likes to do with his band member. He has inevitably developed an obsession with their size, the thought of how his own can cover them entirely doesn’t let him sleep.

Felix and Chan are inseparable, with their constant vlives to entertain the fandom and their conversations in English, because both are from Australia and share that feeling of nostalgia and he can’t do anything to ease it. Hyunjin has really tried to include himself in their dynamic, but his presence is not needed there and that inevitably bothers him. To make things worse, lately they both seem even closer to the point that Hyunjin has started to fully believe in the existence of a romantic relationship. All this has led him to be unable to stand near them when they are together, to the point where he barely interacts in any way with Felix anymore, both in front and off the cameras; he will act as if the blonde is invisible.

STAYS have already noticed. Hyunjin just needed to search ‘hyunlix’ on YouTube and Twitter to see hundreds of comments talking and analyzing their behavior before and now. Some believe that is something arranged by them, but there are others that have decoded the truth which is that he is actively ignoring Felix. What their fans didn’t know is that he is doing so because otherwise he would commit a stupidity and confess his love to a boy who is in love with someone else and ruin everything they have built as a group.

He just hopes Felix doesn’t search for their names anywhere because the boy is sensitive to the internet and believes everything he sees; like that time he ate a banana with the peel included without washing it after watching someone doing it on the internet. He would definitely think that he hated him if he read those comments.

\---

It is the night before they have to go to that Indonesian program, Shopee, and Hyunjin is lying on the coach watching a kdrama which is depressing him rather than entertaining. Jeongin just left him alone five minutes ago claiming that it was too romantic for him and he is right, however he doesn’t want to go to bed yet. Not when he can hear Felix’s strong laugh from there, probably because of something Chan has said. He is willing to spend all the damn night watching TV if they don’t shut up, because right now he is too weak to bear sitting on his bedroom and hearing his laugh dedicated to someone else. He turns the volume up, probably Minho will appear soon and threaten him for having the TV so loud at such hours, but he doesn’t mind because the only voices he is able to hear now are the ones from the couple in the screen.

To his surprise, the person who appears in the living room is nobody but Felix. The blonde is on his pajama, a set of pastel blue with a printed cat at the front who asks for cuddles. He cannot avoid thinking how much the cat reminds him of the boy. Felix observes him with his big eyes, uncertainty imprinted in his hands that are touching his mullet, which is a little messy from lying down. Hyunjin’s heart begins to race, and all he can think of in that instant is how painfully cute Felix looks.

“I can’t sleep, do you mind if I make you company?” the blonde says in a low tone, although he would swear that it is deeper than ever. He will never, in a million years, mind Felix’s company, so as firm as he is capable he answers immediately.

“Yes, I-I mean, you can seat with me” his voice trembles, and he mentally scolds himself for it. Felix seems unaware of it as he falls beside him with an excited jump and proceeds to tangle his arms and legs to his body, cuddling him like a monkey.

“Ahh, this is so much better!” he exclaims, brushing his cheek on his chest. Hyunjin is screwed, it is impossible that the blonde hasn’t noticed the frenetic beat of his heart; he could faint right now because of the speed the organ is undertaking.

“Better than what?” his mind doesn’t have processed what the other had said when that slips out of his mouth. Felix lifts his head to look directly at his eyes, his position remaining still.

“Than being locked in my room with Chan, he is stuck with the lyrics for a new song and it seems that he doesn’t plan on sleeping” he really must love him if he is ready to sacrifice his sleeping for the older.

“You seemed to be having fun” he really tries to suppress the sharpness in his tone, but doing that appears as an impossible task when Felix is surrounding him with his warmness.

Felix tightens his hold and the next time he moves his mouth, Hyunjin can feel it ghosting on his throat. “I am better here, is not every day that one have the opportunity to hug Hwang Hyunjin, so I am going to take advantage of it”, his lips wander on his throat, even when they are no longer emitting any sound, Hyunjin feels his neck became hotter and he is no longer paying attention to anything besides that sensation. Suddenly, the urge to move his arms and hug the younger becomes the only thought on his mind. He wants to do that so bad.

Without any warning, and not being completely aware of his own actions, Hyunjin liberates himself from Felix and the coach, standing in front of him awkwardly. The other boy looks at him in awe, confusion bathing his eyes and, although he is not sure, certain sadness.

“It is so late, and tomorrow we have this program, we should go to sleep or Minho will scold us” the poor excuse he makes doesn’t fix anything, the blonde stands clearly uncomfortable and without giving him a single glance, proceeds to walk towards the bedrooms.

“Good night, Hyunjin” is the only thing he says before disappearing, when he is finally on his bed, Hyunjin buries his face on the pillow and screams.

\---  
He has been really tired during all the trip, Minho is the one he has decided to blame for this. After all, he should have come yesterday to make him turn off the TV and force him to go to bed. But he didn’t and now he can barely maintain his attention on anything besides the fact that Felix has been avoiding him all day. The younger never gets angry so Hyunjin is in trouble. He shouldn’t have acted that weird last night.

Hyunjin can endure not being able to stay with Felix all the time, but he will not survive Felix’s indifference.

“Now, I will ask some questions to you all” the excited voice of the host brings him back to reality, they have been given YES, NO and MAYBE cardboards that they’ll need to show when an answer is asked. “Okay, Stray Kids are you ready?” exclaims her, to which the eight of them answer affirmatively.

The game goes smoothly, the woman giving each one of them their turn to explain whatever they answered. With a sly smile, Hyunjin tries to hide his mood, which is getting worse as the time passes. The other members cannot stop genuinely laughing with every answer, especially Chan who is between him and Felix.

“Ok, so let’s move on to question number three. I’m pretty sure STAYS are very curious about this one.” A little silence is made before the woman proceeds, “never have I ever searched my own name on search engine or social media?”

Everyone answers ‘Yes’, and he should have known by now that Felix was the only one who hasn’t explained anything yet before hearing his name aloud.

“Can you please tell us more on why you answered ‘Yes’?”

With that mischievous smile he does when he is going to tell a secret, Felix proceeds to speak through the microphone. “It was back when we debuted” he starts, it is clear that he is thinking about what he should say and what not. “I searched my name because I was curious about the public response” he continues, “I wanted to know what they thought about us and our performance” the smile never disappears from his face, “I found some interesting articles, that was very cool for me”.

As the host is explaining to the audience what he had just said, Chan starts laughing like crazy and looking intensively at Felix, who starts laughing too because of the other boy. They look at each other like they are in their own world, doing silly stuff that only they understand. Hyunjin tightens his grip on the microphone and he can sense his smile disappearing, directing only for a second his gaze towards them is enough for him to realize that this is unbearable. He cannot stand watching them together anymore, how is he going to survive when they make official their love?

The rest of the program continues as he dissociates from what is going on in order to avoid witnessing another demonstration of affection. He feels disgusting for being like that.

\---

They have to spend the night at the hotel, fortunately each of them have an individual room. When he arrives at his, he feels exhausted, his body falls next to the suitcase, which has been left there by the staff. He observes the object for some seconds before reading the tag.

FELIX, that’s what it says.

His mind remains blank for an instant, and then his body jumps out of the bed like it’s on fire. This can’t be happening, they told him that was his room, so what the hell is doing Felix’s suitcase there?

A knock on the door stops his stream of thoughts, making his body tense. He doesn’t emit a word, waiting for whoever is behind that door to speak first.

“Hyunjin?” asks a deep voice, it is definitely him.

Still, he finds himself unable to answer.

“Are you there? Our suitcases have been switched” he sounds serious, and a little bit tired.

He continues being silent.

The blonde at the other side emits a loud sigh and another knock on the door is heard, however, this one has not been made with his hand. When he speaks again, his voice seems closer.

“Listen, I am not going to sleep with the clothes I’ve been wearing all day so you better open the damn door” now he sounds upset, Hyunjin have never heard this tone before in Felix. “I know that you are there, Hyunjin”.

He could have remained quiet until the other one decided to leave him alone, but that would be another action that will probably separate him definitely from Felix. He is too weak to do that.

So he opens the door, finding the boy’s forehead resting on his door.

“Sorry, I was… in the bathroom.”

The silence is overwhelming, and both stand in front of each other without doing anything. He can feel Felix’s eyes piercing his face, looking for a better excuse, for the truth behind a behavior which is not natural.

“I just want my suitcase” says the younger, proceeding to step inside the bedroom. He lets him do that without daring to look at him in the eyes.

“It is on the bed” raising his arm, he indicates the location of the object with his finger, despite the room not being big enough to get lost. The boy goes to the bed and takes the suitcase, turning again to the door to leave. Hyunjin realizes then something. “Where is my suitcase?” he should have brought it with him to exchange them, but the object is nowhere to be found.

“Please, don’t hate me” Felix’s sudden response surprises him; his words said in a terrified and almost imperceptible voice. He can only see his back, and how his shoulders are shrunken.

“Don’t worry, I can go to your room and take it” he is not sure of understanding what’s going on, and why would Felix think that he would hate him for such thing.

The blonde confronts him, leaving the suitcase on the floor. He looks mad, his eyes showing frustration.

“Forget about the suitcase, I wasn’t referring to that” more confused than ever, Hyunjin is only able to wait for the next thing the other has to say. Felix takes a step closer, and without being aware his body steps back. Noticing the reject, the other omits a laugh which sounds everything but blissful. “See? You cannot even stand me being close” he wants to deny that, but telling the truth would be worse than letting Felix believe that he hates him, at least that’s what he is trying to convince himself to.

Silence, silence, and more silence is what he gives to him. He can tell all the stages Felix’s face undergoes as he comprehends that he is not going to obtain any refutation out of him. He doesn’t want things to go like this, but he also doesn’t want to ruin whatever Chan and the younger have because at the end of the day, no matter how much it hurts him, he loves them and only wishes happiness for his friends.

“Wow, you hate me so much that you can’t even deny it” it hurts, but he is willing to endure all the pain if that means not harming anyone else. Felix is not to blame for his feelings, and neither Chan. “What have I done to be so hated?”

He wants Felix to left him alone, but the boy stands in front of him like he would spend the whole night there if he doesn’t receive an answer. He needs to say something, but doesn’t know what exactly. Again, he chooses to be a coward. “Felix, I’m really tired.”

Please, go back to your room or I won’t be able to hold on anymore.

“Enough with the excuses, Hyunjin,” Felix’s precious face has never looked so helpless; he is doing that to him. He is hurting the person he loves, destroying him. “Just give me a reason and I promise you I will maintain myself away from you” the end of the phrase comes out as a whisper, his voice no longer able to stand steady.

“I hate you” he states, his tone serious and stable. That should be enough to keep Felix away once and for all, it is the right thing to do. His heart hurts like nothing ever had, his stomach feels empty and his eyes burn. It is for the best, he tries to convince himself when the face of the blonde shows pure devastation. “I hate you for being so good, attentive and persistent” he continues, he has already fucked up everything so might as well give Felix the truth, “I hate that nothing ever seems to affect you, that despite everything you have endure you keep being a sunshine, my sunshine” a hand touch his cheek, it is wet, but Felix doesn’t move away, his eyes giving him the strength he needs to continue, “I hate that my mind is incapable of letting you go.”

“Why would you want to let me go?” Felix interrupts, his other hand rests on his chest, squeezing his t-shirt. “I don’t want you to do that” he whispers, his head down.

“Because I love you more than a friend, but you already have that person in your life” finally, he lets out everything he has been keeping inside him for months. It feels right, even though now he is finally going to obtain the confession he has been waiting for.

Felix tilts his head, looking at him with a confused expression. “What do you mean that I already have that person?” he takes both tiny hands between his and caresses them as he mentally prepares himself for the next thing he is going to say.

“You don’t need to keep pretending, I know that Chan and you are boyfriends” Felix immediate reaction is to let out a gasp, his expression changes then to a funny one, he must feel nervous because of his discovery and that’s why his instinct acts like that.

“Chan and me, boyfriends?” the blonde starts laughing uncontrollably, releasing himself from his hold and with tears on his eyes. “Boyfriends!” he exclaims excitedly, then he stops on his tracks and relaxes his face, “wait, is this the reason why you have been avoiding me?” he comes back to his side and holds his shoulders, waiting for the answer to that question. He feels embarrassed and doesn’t know why.

“I didn’t want to mess up an established relationship with my unrequited feelings, I love both of you too much to do that” Hyunjin needs him to know that, to understand that he is not a bad person.

“You didn’t mess up shit” Felix’s rough response leaves him startled, “I can’t believe you are so oblivious, thank goodness you are pretty” now he is definitely lost.

“What?”

“Jinnie, I’ve been shamelessly obvious in my behavior towards you, I’m always looking for your touch and I hug you every time you give me the chance, I’ve even touched your ass in that live we did” he remembers that, and how nervous he got because his heart was beating a bit much.

“But you are affectionate with all of us, and then you have this special bonding with Chan, you always seem to understand what the other is thinking” he tries to argue, but his attention goes to Lix’s hands and how they won’t abandon his neck.

“Chan is like a brother to me, he has lived in my country and shares the feeling of nostalgia that sometimes appears when you are far away from home, but I am not in love with him and will never be” Felix hands abandon his neck to return to his cheeks, Hyunjin looks at him in return and blushes.

“I’m in love with you, Felix” he declares. This time, his voice is steady and confident. There is nothing truer in his life than the fact that he is head over heels for the person who is holding his face like a precious treasure in that precise moment.

“I want to kill you for letting me think that you hated me, but unfortunately I am unable because I’m also in love with you” he laughs, and Hyunjin follows, it’s been a long time since he did it sincerely.

“I like hugs, but I was afraid of giving them to you because you will discover my feelings” Felix retires his hands and looks at him offended.

“Hwang Hyunjin you better repay to me all the hugs you owe me or else I will never kiss you.”

He takes his arm and hugs him immediately, distracting the other of what he was saying.

“Don’t you think I deserve a kiss?” Felix face blushes but he doesn’t hesitate to bring closer their faces until their lips are almost touching, Hyunjin doesn’t wait any longer and closes the distance.

Felix’s lips are soft and plump; they feel like home, and he really wishes the other feels the same. Hyunjin realizes in that moment that he will never be able to let Felix go, however, the fear he previously felt is now replaced by an immense bliss.

\---

The six boys look at them expectantly, after two months Felix and him have decided that it is time to announce their relationship to the members. Now, they are gathered in the living room, alternating looks between each other and to them, who are standing in front of the group.

“If you don’t speak right now, I will go crazy” of course, Jisung is the first one to break the silence, he has always been incapable of maintaining himself quiet for a long time.

“Fine, we have reunited you here to tell you something important” Felix starts, “nothing bad”, he says to Jisung, who was ready to open his mouth again. Before continuing, he holds his hand and they both look at the boys.

“We want to tell you that we’re together, we are boyfriends” Hyunjin proclaims, the hand caressing his own is the only thing that keeps him away from fainting.

“Finally!” Chan exclaims suddenly, he looks at him in shock, still digesting that he misunderstood everything. The positive reaction of the leader spreads to the rest and they start commenting on how it was obvious.

Hyunjin looks at Felix, who is already looking at him with a big smile. “Did I tell you that Chan knew about my feelings for you from the very first moment I started to have them?” he accompanies his question with a mischievous smile that Hyunjin doesn’t take long to kiss. Right now, he is the happiest person in the world.

Falling in love with Felix is inevitable for Hyunjin; and he plans to continue doing that every day for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Here are the shopee video and the video of the interview where felix touches hyunjin's ass:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZGlpY0KQs  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eLCopxu4kY


End file.
